Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manners,

I recently found myself behind a young couple and their newborn baby while riding the escallator at Macy's. The poor young man was wearing his pants down around his knees with his boxers displayed for the world to see from his waist down to his lowered pants. I felt sorry for the lad as he was visibly struggling to keep his trousers from falling to his ankles while walking. What should I do Miss manners? How can I help the poor boy/man?

 

A. Should I offer to buy the lad a belt as he is probably too poor to buy one?

B. Should I pull up his pants and staple them to his waistline for him?

C. Should I point and laugh loudly at his predicament?

D. Should I shake my head and worry that he is obviously breeding and multiplying?

 

I would appreciate knowing what you would do so that I can respond properly the next time I find myself in the same predicament. You know me, I just like to do the right thing.

 

Yours truly,

Shaking His Head in Springfield

 

 

 

Dear Miss Manners,

Today I found myself in an awkward position and need your advice on how I should have responded.

I drove to a local park and got out of my car with camera in hand to watch the geese and ducks gathered along the river bank. As I exited my vehicle, I heard a loud whistle. When I turned around to see who was whistling and at whom, I found myself face to face with a grinning man driving a large blue conversion van. The man had a welcoming smile and motioned to the back of his van.

Thinking that he probably wasn't inviting me in for tea, I panicked, got back in my car, and drove away. I am not exactly known for my grace in these social situations and need to know which of these resposes would have been more acceptable.

 

A. Should I have thanked the greasy looking man for his invitation and politely declined? Perhaps indicating that I was not properly dressed for the occasion or had a prior commitment?

B. Should I have cheerfully waved at the man with my middle finger while telling him in no uncertain terms where he could park his van?

C. Should I have run for my life, screaming like a frightened little girl while covering my backside with both hands?

 

As I am not accustomed to being whistled at in public nor receiving such unseemly offers (these normally being the kind of thing that happens to my wife) I would like to know how you would have handled the man's offer.

 

Awaiting your informed reply,

Still driving like hell in Springfield